Dr. Jones, I Presume?

FINALLY. Probably one of the most anticipated sequels ever, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull arrived in theaters a few weeks ago. I went with my son to the midnight showing the night before it opened to the "non-crazy" public. I say that because it seemed like only people who are a little off the deep end go to these early-morning teasers aimed at either die hard fans or teens looking for some excitement in their lives. I am the former. In fact, looking around the theater, I notice that I am probably the only person seated who was actually ALIVE on opening day of the first installment of the series, Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981. *sigh*

Okay, so I'll admit, my expectations for this movie are....low. I've read the Vanity Fair article, all the on-line speculation and predictions -- but I am hopeful. The plot is reaching, the jokes are lame and the overall look screams cornball but....in my book, it's all about Harrison Ford. Even at 65, he looks exactly how we expect Indy to look after almost seven decades: grizzled and probably worse for wear but nonetheless, same old Indy. As he famously ad-libs in the second movie, "It ain't the years, it's the milage." LOL This movie, for me, and most likely for many fans, a chance to see Indy in action again, regardless of the vehicle he arrives in. Like an old friend, we're just happy to see him. It's also nice to see Karen Allen, although Marion seems to have lost some of her spunk. I guess that happens. Shia LeBoeuf is not terrible as love child, Mutt, either as he shows off some of his inherited skills in the form of a knife (not a whip). Heir to the legend? Maybe not, as the last scene indicates when Mutt bends over to pick up Indy's wind-blown fedora and looks up in surprise as Indiana himself snatches it from his son's hand. Not yet.... Movie snobs will pan this one but I say, if you're a true fan, how could you NOT take a chance on an old friend who won't disappoint.

Don't Buy While Seals Die

This is certainly not a pretty picture but neither is the truth this picture parodies. Each year, thousands of baby Harp seals are bludgeoned to death for their fur. I'm disgusted by this cruel practice and you should be too.

For more information, and to protest the annual slaughter of baby seals in Canada click here.

Sign the pledge.

Humbug

The Dreaded Christmas/Holiday Letter

Signed with a simple family signature, the traditional Christmas card is the perfect way to say to family and friends, "We're thinking about you this holiday season." Slowly infiltrating this glorious tradition is the annual Christmas letter, which has become the perfect way to say, "We're thinking about US. Want to hear about it?" And many of them could be summed up with:

Dear family and friends,
We're more successful than you. Our kids are smarter than yours, and Grandma had a hysterectomy last June. Merry Christmas.

If you're still thinking of writing one this year, use this helpful guide to keep it short and sweet.


Greetings ______________!
A. family and friends
B. everyone we have an address for
C. loathsome enemies

It has been quite a year at our house. It's amazing how much can change in only 12 months. For starters (insert name of spouse), was __________ work in January, just when the Christmas credit card bills came due. Things worked out fine, just like they always do.
A. promoted at
B. laid off from
C. investigated by the FBI at

My job as a stay-at-home (mom/dad) keeps me plenty busy, of course. There is always something to do around the house. Keeping up with the kids and still finding time to ____________ can be exhausting, but that's what being a parent is all about.
A. work out at the gym
B. watch my soaps
C. moonlight as an exotic pole dancer

And speaking of kids, we couldn't be prouder of ours. (Insert child's name here) ___________ . It's living proof that hard work will take you places.
A. made the honor roll
B. was voted student body president
C. is now leader of his prison gang at Riker's Island Correctional Facility

(Insert other child's name) is making waves in the community, too. He/She _______________. At first we weren't sure if we should tell people, but we thought, what the heck, every parent has bragging rights!
A. was named volunteer of the year for his/her work with local hospitals and nursing homes
B. scored the winning points in the state championship (insert sport) game
C. was arrested for public intoxication and indecent exposure at two local hospitals and three nursing homes

This summer we took the vacation we've always dreamed of. We went to _________. The kids had a blast and were fascinated by the native culture.
A. Jamaica
B. Mazatlan, Mexico
C. Branson, Missouri

After vacationing, we had a little money left over so we decided to remodel our lower-level family room. The furnishings were outdated, and the carpet needed replacing after __________.
A. our basement flooded when the sump pump quit working during a heavy rain
B. (insert child's name) burned a 6-foot-long hole in it while crafting a homemade explosive device
C. it became the indoor outhouse for our dog

We still have our dog, (insert name). He is getting up there in years, but continues to provide our family with the unconditional love only a (insert breed name) can. He may be old, but he can ________ as well as any young pup.
A. run and jump
B. chew the house to smithereens
C. ride a visitor's leg like a rodeo cowboy

My health took a turn this fall when I ___________. I feel much better now, although for awhile things were pretty touch-and-go. There was a time when I wasn't sure if I would make it.
A. lost 150 pounds
B. contracted bacterial flesh-eating disease
C. tripped over a pile of burning leaves and broke my leg

For Christmas this year, we're planning a low-key event. After the stress of last year's ________ , we decided to simplify our family's holiday activities.
A. festivities
B. clash with the riot police
C. CNN-covered massacre

We're hoping it will encourage our children to remember the true meaning of Christmas: ________.
A. family and friends
B. expensive presents
C. eggnog with lots of rum

May your holidays be as merry as ours,
The (insert family name here)

Teens

This is a terrific sign. I'm fortunate that my teenager is NOT one of these, but I do know plenty who are. I don't know what happened but mine is a great kid. He has a job, pays his own gas, car insurance and social expenses. His actions are responsible, kind, altruistic and generous ...and I am On-My-Knees thankful. I'm well aware of the bullet that I have dodged -- so far. So many kids I know are given cars, a gas credit card, and not expected to be responsible for anything. I realize that it's our instinct as parents to want to give our kids all we can. Naturally, we want a better life for them than what we had. But in our zeal to make life easier, it's becoming glaringly apparent that we are raising a generation of spoiled, self-involved young people who care little for anyone or anything beyond their own limited vision. How can this be when we gave them such a privileged life? It's a cold slap in the face when you realize your investment won't turn a profit. But the big question is: are today's kids too hobbled by enabling parents to be able to claim their unique talents and abilities entirely on their own?

It's been said that when we do everything for our children, they only learn to take...and never learn to give back. I agree wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, it may be it be too late when we finally realize that our well-meaning "gestures of love" were really acts of sabotage.

Full Moon Mondays

On Monday nights, we are open late at the library. Three full....long....hours later than our usual closing time. This seems to be the Bat Signal which summons all the "special" patrons to come visit whomever was fortunate enough to be scheduled for late night duty that week. As a general rule, it's best to expect the full complement but if you're lucky, only the "semi-weird" will show up. Here's a sample of the cast of characters:

Lonely Dysfunctional Couple Looking For Someone To Talk To So They Don't Have To Talk To Each Other - Each has his/her issues that probably prevented them from finding anyone else and so they hang together. The library staff is a captive audience for this Mutt and Jeff. We smile, nod politely and place orders for terminally bad movies from the early '80's that would never see the light of day if not for these folks.

Jabba The Hut Mom and ADD Brood - Kids burst through the door like pigs let loose from the barn while mom waddles after them screaming obscenities but not really caring what they do. We rush to scoop up DVD's as the little monsters hurl them off the shelves. Wish we could hand out leashes at the door...or install trip wires.

Technologically Incompetent Man/Woman - Good lord, computers have been around for over 20 years and still these people ask, "How do I print?" Come out of your stone cave and learn how to function in the world. Here's the deal about technology: it's like a freight train barreling towards you at 90 mph. Jump on or get run over. Related to....

Can't Figure Out the Slot Clearly Labeled RETURNS Man/Woman - "Um...where do I return these?" See the sign, Sherlock? Clearly, if reading is a problem, maybe the library is NOT for you.

Procrastinator Woman - Rushes in at ten minutes to closing time with 3 tote bags full of books and 4 kids in tow. Wanna bet she has a "problem" she needs for you to solve regarding her account? Of course, she does. And she wants it fixed NOW.

Anal-Retentive (Usually ESL) Paranoid Patron - Wants to WATCH you check in returns because evil Americans are out to cheat them. Yes, you've discovered our diabolical plan: to reconfigure the library circulation program to make it *appear* that you owe 30¢ so we can pocket it for ourselves and bask in a life of luxury as Evil Circulation Assistants. Damn it, you're too clever for us.

Occasionally, there's the Ultra-Creepy Guy (usually a guy) who cause the staff to shoot panicked, furtive looks at each other. Usually, though, they just wander in to use the public pc's to select their...um, future brides....and leave. Thank God. As the clock ticks towards 9:00 we scramble to the door to hang the "closed" sign and breathe a collective sigh of relief -- having survived another Monday night at the Library. Is there a full moon out? Absolutely...every Monday.

Regarding My Recent Departure From Comcast....